Thursday, July 21, 2011

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part VIII

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII


I knew she wouldn’t want to make it to the wedding. I wish she would, just that she wouldn’t. I have invited her to the party to see her smile, to see her wish me whole heartedly. I wanted to make sure she was fine. Probably she has moved on and wouldn’t make it. Probably it was high time I got over my guilt. I had my turn, I did not realise, I did not respond and now I have another turn, at another life, which I cannot afford to miss and add on to my guilt baggage.

She said she would eventually make it? She did and she would. She really would.

This party is not totally a bad idea. I get a chance to accept things and move on. As I hold on to Manjari’s hands and introduce her to my colleagues, I know what am accepting and what I am moving into. I just do not know, what I am moving away from.

It was only fifteen minutes since Manjari and I had stepped in and I had already checked the guest list ten times to see if “she" has checked in. I was at the gate at the thirtieth minute, when she stepped out of her car. That minute I knew I had not really moved on and this whole wedding was a hasty decision and a bad imposition on a simple girl. It was my mistake that I had not responded in years. It was my mistake I had not corrected the mistake. Worse still, it was my mistake that I added on to the list of mistakes by brining Manjari into the loop. I thought of this, turned back and walked into the hall, only to notice that Manjari was fully aware of my conflicting thoughts and that it was not for no reason that I was pacing up and down the party hall.

She is too timid, too soft and too sensitive, Manjari. I could not see her face after the revelation I had just got. I wished I could run away from all this, like I always do. For once, I knew it was time I faced the reality up, real and bold. I rushed to Manjari to confront her and let her free of my complications. She deserves much better and more concerned a person. I wasn’t ready to face Manjari alone and that was without any plan in mind. I just knew I was sorry and this time, I just knew I had to say it then and there.

As I faced her, I saw a tear trickle down her face. Manjari and I have never been the closest of couples you could see during their courtship, but we had been very good friends if one could consider eating out, going out for movies and shopping as what good friends do. We are still not there yet, to read each other’s minds or each other’s problems. Thankfully we were not into each other that much as yet. She was in tears and I just stood.

“Am sorry you had to know at this last minute!” and she burst out!

I stood there confused.

“The only reason I said ‘Yes’ was to move on from a not-worth-mentioning past of mine. But now when we are almost there close to the date, I know I do not have the heart to loop you into this. I did not know you would realise and stand away from me during the party. That was not how I wanted you to know. I thought we could work things out. It was just my fault and I would really want to save your time. You deserve much better.”

As always, I said nothing.

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