Thursday, July 21, 2011

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part VII

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI


I got used to the distance I asked for. I knew we were going to have a brighter future, just that we would not be sharing it. I knew we were going to see each other every day and it would be hard to ignore or stay indifferent. It was difficult to not look at the one person who had made every single day in the past memorable. It was difficult to not talk to the one person who had listened to the smallest of words I had ever uttered. It was difficult to stop caring for the one person I had cared about the most and start caring about me. It was difficult, but never impossible, and here I am, the result of unconditioned self care!

As weird that might sound, weird it was. I had given up on few traits of mine. I took off from my circle, the few things that no longer meant anything. I let go of those who did not fight hard enough to be by my side. I stayed back for myself. I grew stronger, less fond of him, more serious about life, especially mine.

I am still not sure if I had made my point and made it difficult for him by staying in the same work place. I am not sure if things could have been different, but I believe things aren’t and hence would not have been!

When I looked back to see, I had the perfect life, without a perfect someone to share with, I had stopped looking back. When I looked around, I saw the people with their perfect someone and a life that looked what I thought was perfect in their own way. I was too happy and too sad to be the exception, but atleast I had my own way of living my life.

I had moved on, for I cared too much about me. I hadn’t moved on enough to see someone else. I feared responses and the absence of them! I feared dependence; over dependence and inability regain independence. I feared lack of commitment from either side. In short, I feared! I hadn’t moved on enough until I knew he had moved on. I was happy he had moved on without even realising what he had to move on from. It made it easier for all the moving to happen!

I am done, done for the day! I had the sudden urge to pack off and rush out. I am getting an overdose of memories at one shot unlike the past years, something I haven’t trained myself to handle and wouldn’t want to either. I know I have a life to get back to at home. I have left something unanswered and I know I no longer want to! Right now, all I want to think for the rest of the day is that familiar “Hiiiiiiiiiiii” I had left unanswered in my inbox.

“Hey, done for the day?” He’s still hanging around!

“Was just leaving...”

“Would be glad if you can make it!”

“I know, I eventually would!”

“Great! Am in a hurry now, meet you at the party then!”

No comments: