Monday, July 19, 2010

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part V

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV


When you get used to distances, even proximity seems too far! I felt like I was in an island of friends, with my own piece of land for myself and none to share. It was sort of a blessing that I could enjoy all this. I have had my share of distances and spaces and it was time I redefined certain boundaries.

I would say it was a dream, come true, when I found that there were people to care for, when I stepped into the outside world alone. If there are only seven in the whole world, who would say beginning of corporate life was the best part of their lives, I would be their leader shouting that out to rest of the world. It was a bigger dream come true or even a miracle, when someone cared for me in return. I had always believed that there was a margin bordering the difference between ego, attitude and arrogance. He was that margin personified and walking around as a six foot man with a mission to keep people around him happy, dreaming, in glee and totally in awe. I had always had his shoulder to lean on, when in despair, when low on hope and whenever I wanted to feel safe. He had always lent a ear to all that rambling I went on with, that would never stop no matter what time of the day it was. We had been connected even when I was away and I cursed myself for misjudging the beautiful friendship, the first time I did.

A slightly heavier lunch and an overload of reasons to think, seem to make me travel back to my memories of good old days a little more than always. In spite of the crystal like memory I boast of, it’s been years since I thought back at all these. I thought I wasn’t strong to handle it, but now I know nobody else could have handled it any better. Thank God, I know am doing great. This feeling makes me special to myself every single day.

As I checked the mails that have filled my inbox, over the lunch time I was out, on a lunch date with myself and my favourite katti rolls, I ran through all the replies to his wedding invite, he had sent to the team. I had wished him with a one liner, “Hearty congrats to the happy couple!” and I have seen him look disturbed from then on. He knows he has not yet lived up to all the four keywords in my reply. He was hurrying into a marriage he thinks would help him forget his past, he knew he was wrong, still he knew that was his only way out as a favour to himself.

He was not one of a kind. I knew of another who could not have been any nicer. I have always been lucky to meet the best of the people. I have always been blessed with their love and affection. When there’s and extra element of care added to the equation I have felt like a princess. I had asked him, not so clearly, not so obviously, nevertheless asked him, if we were just friends. He had not replied. I had assumed I had got it all wrong and blamed myself for questioning the purest of friendship that ever blossomed on mother earth. I thought as much, till I was once asked the same by another person. I then knew how tough it was to answer when asked. I also knew I had an obligation to answer and clarify at once. I answered with a “No”, I meant “We are just friends” and then we were clear and great friends now. This was when I was away for a year, just before I had to come back.

I had come back right when he had planned to take up an onsite offer. I had felt heavy about his plans getting postponed. I knew he had no choice. I had still wanted a status check and tried to be a little more explicit when I asked him this time. “I need to know if am going to be on the top of your priorities right now. I need to know if I can be happy to wait.” He didn’t reply. I knew he had meant he had other priorities on his head and he couldn’t think of me and his life together then. He didn’t realise we were getting older. I understood his stand and felt bad for understanding a little too much. I was relieved I had asked, else would have always assumed without any reason that his response would have been what I wanted to hear. He was not one of a kind. If I had met him, and another, I know there would be others. Just that I also knew I wouldn’t anyways bother myself to care.


Porkodi (பொற்கொடி) said...

enaku puriala! illa sotry purinjudhu, but, if you're/were not in love, how on earth can you verbalize the subtle feelings, the confusion, the non-sense questions for which there is no correct answer, almost so accurately?! I have a whole bunch of friends who crossed this same stupid nasty river of "lovvvvvu" (ah sorry all the lovvvers but I really dont like the pendulum clock attitude of all lovvvers) and I have always failed to narrate it precisely to my mom/other friends.. :( you're seriously gifted!!

Porkodi (பொற்கொடி) said...

finally, andha naadhari enna thaan vidai kooriyadhu? :P

Ramya said...

@porkodi - there are three things:

a) very true, if i had tried to narrate a real stry, i know i couldn't hav gone beyond few words... i would have known the stry and wht went in, but wud hav not been complete. even if i had a stry of my own, happen to me, i wouldnt hav been able to put it dwn in words, and as for me, i wouldnt want to write abt it at all, if it happens :)

b) then how am i able to come this close to bringing out wht might be goin on in the head? thts coz i hav ended up over analysing pretty much everything!!! from what happens in daily life, to stries i hear to movies i see to everyone and everythign around me!!! the only gud thts happened out of tht bad habit is the stry here :P some incidents and some lines maybe wht i have been thru or felt.. could be in a totally different pretext or for a diff reason.. for example in this part, "when u get used to distances, even proximity seems too far" is something i hav felt for quite some time now with almost every close frnd and kin!!! i jus use tht feel and extrapolate in a luv stry...

c) if i had wriiten my stry (or something on lines of wht ive done in my life) am sure nobody wud read beyond part one :P am coming up with this fiction only coz i dint hav much clue abt the stry when i strted writing :P esle wud hav been a real bore :P

btw, avan naadhari illa!! this whole part tried hard to show how awesome a guy he was!!! and u call him naadhaari :P enna sonnaan nu thaan theriyume :P last part la sonnene.. payyan ore thappa pala murai senjirukkaan!!!

both of them are right and justified and everyone on is totally justified abt wht they do and why they do... somehow in most of the stries only one side is brought out... i dint really like tht partiality.. everyone can be good and everyone has the right to do wrong as long as they are justified... thts how it is in life, hence thts wht am trying in stry!!! and for me the characters and trying to get in as many parallel thoughts as possible are more imp than the stry.. stry is jus making it easier for ppl to read :)

King Vishy said...

Onnaa ukkaandhu parts 3,4 and 5 padichuten..

Great writing style! Actually this is way different from how you write normally!! The story has got out the best from you! (Or is it the other way round?)

There were many 'Aha' sentences in these story-posts of yours! In this part, one of them was: "He was that margin personified"..

The distances-proximity thing felt great to read, but enakku puriyala :D

keep them coming!!

Ramya said...

@vishwa - thnks for both reading them all abck to back and for the compliments as well :)

writing this story has brought in lots of changes in me... will have a special post dedicated to tht list once the stry gets over (not gonna take much long :P)

as for distances - proximity.. its more like how u get used to being far away from or not connected to people, to an extent u cant take them back in or get back to getting any closer!!! its like its easier to live with tht clear distance than the confused state of proximity :)

Kavity said...

Life is too grey to silo into blacks and whites.. have had this thrown at me too many times for am actually someone who thinks way too much in blacks and whites..

Glad to see someone actually bring out the greys.. its ok to have somethings happen this way, does not mean that the protagonists are to be blamed.. does not mean that they are bad in any way.. they are good, they are nice but no one is perfect..

Hope the next one is coming out today! :)

Sriram Sundar Rajan said...

Is this post tagged incorrectly ?? I notice it is tagged as 'Fiction' :D.