I was done, for the day. I had wrapped them all up, all the files and all the work. I had bid all goodbyes and extended warm invites to every single person in every single cabin I could see in that floor. I had tried to push all these to the last minute, as I did not want the wedding to be the only thing to look forward too.
She is perfect, the one am going to marry. She is probably too perfect for someone this normal as me. Almost everyone I have met has been so. I had no clue of what I had missed or why I had moved away, till I had to say “Yes” to this girl. Maybe it was our families that had my answer out from me, maybe it was her, maybe I would have answered to anyone then or maybe I just wanted that to come out for once. It was only then realised I should have answered to someone else, sometime back.
It’s been six months that am engaged. It was just a week since I was asked to meet this girl and I already had to say “Yes” to someone I had hardly known. My fiancée, assuming it’s righteous to call her so, was way too timid, to even ask. She just stood and I just thought of a similar evening a year before that.
A year of staying away from the dearest of people, a year of remote conversations that made me miss human touch. I had just landed back. My closest friend she was, and she was there in the airport to receive me. The smile was there, a little too fake. The “Hi” was low and the usual handshake was weak and there was no warm hug. I thought she was busy, tired and bored. I never knew she was alone. I did not ask and she did not tell what was bothering her. We were in constant touch. We spoke more than ever when I was gone. Then, in the airport, made me wonder if I had ever known her, if I had, I would have known.
My assignment was over. I was back for good. I had plans here. I wanted to settle down big. She knew my plans. She was there planning it with me, for me. She knew I had missed her out in the plan and never said a word. I knew I was going right till that evening, she said she had to move out of my life. She literally said that, on one of the most important day of life. “Am proud of you, am happy for you, and am happy you get to do what you always wanted to – work, friends and now this new home for yourself. Am sure you will go places. For a while I want to be happy for myself. I can’t see you have a plan and not be a part of it. I had a plan. I no longer have one. I need one and need to be strong for myself. I had asked a question. I would have loved to hear an answer, either ways. Am not sure if I will ever get to hear that. I don’t want to wait to see it not happen. I don’t want to part as friends. I don’t want us to part at all. I just want to move away, and move on. I need some space now, for myself. As always, I will always be there for you, just that now, it will be from a distance. Bye for now...” and she had left with a smile on her face. Thanks to that smile, I knew she would be fine. Thanks to that smile, I was never fine again.
Yes, I said “Yes” to this girl even after I thought of the other evening. I thought it would help me move on. I thought I would be fine again. I thought she was strong, happy and safe. I am still not sure if either of us are - she, me or my fiancée.