When marriages are made in Bhoologam... - "The Rendezvous"

ren·dez·vous

n. pl. ren·dez·vous - A meeting at a prearranged time and place.

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Did I change the order of events? Did I get the process wrong? Aren't the event leads and key players (yes the families, extended families and ofcourse the girl and guy under scrutiny) supposed to meet? Aren't conventional meeting places (girl's house) shunned out of practice and replaced with so-called neutral or non-committal hangouts (temples! restaurants! friends' place! friend's friend's friend's place and so on!)?

Rendezvous #1:

Location: Temple in the heart of the city

Participants: Girl's party (a team with more than 3 members is fondly referred to as 'party' and strictly no connection with any political views!), guy's party, girl and guy

Duration of scene: Half an hour for members of each party to get introduced to each other and 5 mins for the girl and guy to talk before they hopefully say 'Yes'

Gist of the 5 min seal-the-deal talk:

Minute #1 - girl says 'Hi', guy says 'Hi', girl says her name (not that it wasn't known before), guy says name, followed by silence

Minute #2 - both of them say they aren't sure what to talk, followed by longer silence

Minute $3 - typical "Tell me about yourself" interview question posed to girl, she's well prepared and completes her entire education and professional life history in 48 seconds, followed by shorter silence

Minute #4 - boy is posed the same question, he is definitely less prepared but still manages to finish it in 56 seconds, followed by just a pause!

Minute #5 - They decide to get back to respective parties and convey their decision!

Five minutes later, both parties scream with joy, "Ah! They said 'Yes'!"

Rendezvous #2:

Location: Girl's house

Participants: Same as Rendezvous #1

Duration: Similar to Rendezvous #1

Gist of the seal-the-deal talk: Girl and guy don't stop talking and get back to the respective parties within the stipulated time (1 hour as per the unwritten norm!), respective parties rush to the talk floor and assume the result, girl and guy blush and end of scene!

Five minutes later, both parties scream with joy, "Ah! They said 'Yes'!"

Rendezvous #3:

Location: Skype! (For the technically strong hearted souls)

Participants: Girl and Guy (blame the absence of wide angle webcams!)

Duration: It depends (Let the jargons fly around!)

Gist of the seal-the-deal talk:

Minute #1 - #30 - Girl and guy set up Skype account

Minute #31 - #45 - Girl and guy add each other as Skype contact

Minute #46 - #55 - They stare at each other (ofcourse, they are no saints)

Minute #55 - #60 - Same conversation as in Rendezvous #1!

Five minutes later, both parties scream with joy, (at their respective houses) "Ah! They said 'Yes'!"

Rendezvous #4:

Both parties scream with joy, (at their respective houses) "Ah! They said 'Yes'!" and the girl and guy meet a month later! (Rendezvous of families, hours of seal-the-deal talk between girl and guy over phone do not get covered as per definition of "Rendezvous" above!)

When marriages are made in Bhoologam... - "Ah! They said 'Yes'!"

Marriages? - That's only a reminder to myself that am getting married, and have loads of work to do and need to complete the post soon enough and get it up on the blog and not sit and stare at the monitor waiting for a comment to pop in!

Bhoologam (earth) is where we are, and marriages and more importantly weddings, are designed, made and executed very much here and not in any Devalogam (heaven)!

Coming to today's topic, "Ah! They said 'Yes'!" - Probably the line that goes around across both families for the next couple of days, admist parents, uncles, aunts, grandpas, grandmas, kids, pets and to-be-borns too in both the families! But even before they could say 'Yes', a lot goes into the screenplay!

Arranged marriages are super complicated than my most dreaded chapter in Medevial Indian History! You have every permutation to be liked, approved and accepted! Boy's family likes girl's family, girl's family likes boy's family, boy's family likes girl, girl's family like boy, girl likes boy's family, boy likes girl's family and finally after one big loop, boy likes girl and girl likes boy! No wonder the whole world celebrates when the three letters Y, E, S are heard at once! At that very instant, all prayers are answered and more prayers are offered. The search action ends but a whole deal of actions begin!

As any event coordinator would say, the bride is the one who confidently says "Let the planning begin!" and so did I!

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part X

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX

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Manjari was out of the hall. I am not sure if the others had noticed any of this. Half the crowd was dancing and half the crowd was already on the ninth cloud. The last words Manjari had said kept me still. “Am doing this for both of us. It’s for the best that we don’t marry for an obligation. I deserve a response from someone else and I am going to wait for it, no matter how long it takes. Apology is too small a word that I want to suffocate you with. I am leaving you with no choice. But am glad am going to give myself a chance again. Take care.” She said she was going to wait for a response! I owe one big time to someone else.

I rushed again, this time to the other end of the hall where “she” had parked her car and stepped down and stood wondering why she was here. She has not moved on. She’s been waiting for a response and I had not known she was waiting all along!

She was there, mingling in the crowd. Smiling, but totally fake. I know her smile. I know her laugh. I know her. I know now, that I know her! Like old times I patted her on the back from behind and she did turn...

“Ask me the question again!” She broke down at that!

“Ask me the question again!” She was completely in tears, and never had I seen this bold lady cry.

“If am right, the last time you asked, if you were part of my plan. You were my plan. I just was insane and out of my minds to have not realised that” She would still not stop.

“All my life, I would say a hundred “Yes” from morning till night, day in and day out. Would that make up a little?” A small smile came across from beneath those tears.

“So, you have an answer now!” is all that she said and held me tight. I knew she had and I definitely had forgotten the six years we had lost. We were back.

Just when I realised we owed the crowd an explanation, she asked “Can we change the party board to read Shreya & Gautham, I am only asking for half of it to change right? And this time, before even she could finish the question I was out with my response “Absolutely!”

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part IX

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII

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I rushed into the house to check my Inbox. The “Hiiiiiii” is all that I wanted to check now. Earlier this day, I would have wanted to reply with an affirmative immediately. I did not mind being a fool to think that marrying a stranger would eventually mean I have moved on. But now, I did not want to hurry into anything. I let it stay while I thought of the day again. It was an intuition then and now, and I stood by it.

“He hasn’t moved on!” I just shrieked? I did. He so hasn’t and is going to make life difficult for Manjari as well? Do I step in? Do I try and help him sort out things? Do I help? Do I need to? I had no clue, till my hands ran over the text messages in my mobile and saw a text from him; “Got five minutes today? I owe you a response...” He should not be responding now. He should not be saying what I wanted to hear. He should not be saying what I did not want to hear as well.

I settled down on the sofa and thought of what I had told him last. I had told him I would be there for him, even if from a distance. He needs to know I am doing fine before he starts his new life. He needs to know or atleast believe that I have moved on. Have I? That’s for me to think. But I need to be there for him at the best party of his life. I cannot gather myself up to make it to the wedding, but a party, with a larger known crowd, I should really be able to manage.

I made sure I looked my best. I cannot believe I dressed up big time for an occasion I would otherwise not have considered changing from office clothes. I wanted to show that I am a different person now. I wanted to reassure him and myself that I am doing fine.

I knew the party hall upside down. I knew he would be inside the main hall thirty minutes into the party. It’s always safe to go late and sneak out early. The plan was clear. I just had to mark my presence and sport a smile and be back soon to get myself to my favourite sleep state wherein I don’t have to think.

I did drive late, I drove through the side entrance only shocked to see him wait there and still surprised to see him pace away when I got down. He sure hasn’t moved on and he definitely has the right answer this time. Question is, do I ask again?

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part VIII

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII

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I knew she wouldn’t want to make it to the wedding. I wish she would, just that she wouldn’t. I have invited her to the party to see her smile, to see her wish me whole heartedly. I wanted to make sure she was fine. Probably she has moved on and wouldn’t make it. Probably it was high time I got over my guilt. I had my turn, I did not realise, I did not respond and now I have another turn, at another life, which I cannot afford to miss and add on to my guilt baggage.

She said she would eventually make it? She did and she would. She really would.

This party is not totally a bad idea. I get a chance to accept things and move on. As I hold on to Manjari’s hands and introduce her to my colleagues, I know what am accepting and what I am moving into. I just do not know, what I am moving away from.

It was only fifteen minutes since Manjari and I had stepped in and I had already checked the guest list ten times to see if “she" has checked in. I was at the gate at the thirtieth minute, when she stepped out of her car. That minute I knew I had not really moved on and this whole wedding was a hasty decision and a bad imposition on a simple girl. It was my mistake that I had not responded in years. It was my mistake I had not corrected the mistake. Worse still, it was my mistake that I added on to the list of mistakes by brining Manjari into the loop. I thought of this, turned back and walked into the hall, only to notice that Manjari was fully aware of my conflicting thoughts and that it was not for no reason that I was pacing up and down the party hall.

She is too timid, too soft and too sensitive, Manjari. I could not see her face after the revelation I had just got. I wished I could run away from all this, like I always do. For once, I knew it was time I faced the reality up, real and bold. I rushed to Manjari to confront her and let her free of my complications. She deserves much better and more concerned a person. I wasn’t ready to face Manjari alone and that was without any plan in mind. I just knew I was sorry and this time, I just knew I had to say it then and there.

As I faced her, I saw a tear trickle down her face. Manjari and I have never been the closest of couples you could see during their courtship, but we had been very good friends if one could consider eating out, going out for movies and shopping as what good friends do. We are still not there yet, to read each other’s minds or each other’s problems. Thankfully we were not into each other that much as yet. She was in tears and I just stood.

“Am sorry you had to know at this last minute!” and she burst out!

I stood there confused.

“The only reason I said ‘Yes’ was to move on from a not-worth-mentioning past of mine. But now when we are almost there close to the date, I know I do not have the heart to loop you into this. I did not know you would realise and stand away from me during the party. That was not how I wanted you to know. I thought we could work things out. It was just my fault and I would really want to save your time. You deserve much better.”

As always, I said nothing.

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part VII

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI

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I got used to the distance I asked for. I knew we were going to have a brighter future, just that we would not be sharing it. I knew we were going to see each other every day and it would be hard to ignore or stay indifferent. It was difficult to not look at the one person who had made every single day in the past memorable. It was difficult to not talk to the one person who had listened to the smallest of words I had ever uttered. It was difficult to stop caring for the one person I had cared about the most and start caring about me. It was difficult, but never impossible, and here I am, the result of unconditioned self care!

As weird that might sound, weird it was. I had given up on few traits of mine. I took off from my circle, the few things that no longer meant anything. I let go of those who did not fight hard enough to be by my side. I stayed back for myself. I grew stronger, less fond of him, more serious about life, especially mine.

I am still not sure if I had made my point and made it difficult for him by staying in the same work place. I am not sure if things could have been different, but I believe things aren’t and hence would not have been!

When I looked back to see, I had the perfect life, without a perfect someone to share with, I had stopped looking back. When I looked around, I saw the people with their perfect someone and a life that looked what I thought was perfect in their own way. I was too happy and too sad to be the exception, but atleast I had my own way of living my life.

I had moved on, for I cared too much about me. I hadn’t moved on enough to see someone else. I feared responses and the absence of them! I feared dependence; over dependence and inability regain independence. I feared lack of commitment from either side. In short, I feared! I hadn’t moved on enough until I knew he had moved on. I was happy he had moved on without even realising what he had to move on from. It made it easier for all the moving to happen!

I am done, done for the day! I had the sudden urge to pack off and rush out. I am getting an overdose of memories at one shot unlike the past years, something I haven’t trained myself to handle and wouldn’t want to either. I know I have a life to get back to at home. I have left something unanswered and I know I no longer want to! Right now, all I want to think for the rest of the day is that familiar “Hiiiiiiiiiiii” I had left unanswered in my inbox.

“Hey, done for the day?” He’s still hanging around!

“Was just leaving...”

“Would be glad if you can make it!”

“I know, I eventually would!”

“Great! Am in a hurry now, meet you at the party then!”