Somethings and Nothings - Part II

Recap - Part I

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“I wish I had said yes”, I said. As I said this once again, I really wished I would get another chance. It’s been four long years of regret, hope and despair. But it’s been a longer period of love, care and friendship. I just thought of a moment six years back, but had to rush for this daily call for which I run in this early every morning and end up giving a wrong impression to the one person I wanted to be perfectly right.

Six years back when I had entered the same meeting hall I stand in, little did I know I wasn’t alone, little did I know that I would stand here today recollecting the past, something I had never dreamt of happening to me of all people. I had a past? A relationship which I call a past? I might or might not have! That’s me; I am not too sure... At least I have started thinking about it and I wish I had started earlier.

The meeting was a routine status call and I had all the time to be with myself, to think what went wrong or what went right! That’s actually all the time I have got for myself! I had made a choice and now I live with it.

She was there, when I thought I was pushed into a new island. She just smiled and said a simple “Hello” and instantly connected. I might have hesitated at least for a second or two before I breathed out a weaker “helloooo”, but in no time, we were out there laughing with rest of the lot at the lunch table. There were seven of us, who became a notorious gang, but the rest five were different from her. She was the person I had right from daily route bus to my cubicle, from morning till evening, for every single thought I needed to share and for every single time I needed someone to just talk to or even shout at; she was there! She did not stop with a smile alone; she spoke about everything more than anyone one can ever imagine. She could just not stop and that’s what made us complement each other even more.

She was always with people, so much that the whole world knew her and wanted to be friends with her. I thought myself to have been lucky that way. We were best of friends and the best part was that there were no strings attached. We had our spaces, we had our separate lives, people, career and more than that we had our own priorities! Just that I misread what was mine, and more so what she thought was hers!

“Any questions?” was all that I heard in today’s call and thankfully it was over with that. Memories come in handy in such situations, if I have to look at the brighter side of a hanging past or a boring meeting. As I walk out of the conference room, I crossed her cabin and she hurriedly looked up from her desk. “Got a minute?” and I immediately stepped in.

Somethings and Nothings - Part I

It was the perfect start to the perfect day. A warm sunshine by my window, with the mild breeze pushing my nylon curtains aside, waking me up from the deep sleep I was in. I walked down to my kitchen still smiling at what the morning has just given me – a brand new day in my life, a new chapter, a new episode. As the smile began to diminish came the strong aroma of the coffee, tickling every cell of my mind to get ready to face what’s ahead, to get started and get going.

Things have changed, after I had moved in, or I would rather say out! In - into my own world that I never knew of four years back. Out – out of others’ that I had always been a part of. Little did I think about this all these years, until I opened my Inbox, the only place where a conversation is called one even if it’s one-sided!

Amongst the pile of journals and online newsletters I had subscribed to, there was this outlier with a “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”. It was a familiar, too known a Hi, which I could never have missed. Instinctively I chose to ignore it for the rest of the day, it’s been a blessing so far and it had just started.

Clearly, I had missed something, I thought, as I checked my bag before I locked the door. I no longer run back to take what I leave behind, I have started to live without it, if I need to. It’s easier and I am fine with it. I thought for a second time, still chose not to recollect if it was my mobile that I had left behind that had a new message that I saw only later that evening.

I took the usual train to work and rushed in for the seat by the window, to stare at the parallel tracks alongside, all along the journey. And as thoughts rushed by, I pushed them off for a later part of the day, which I hoped would never come. I was running to the elevator at the office building when I did not notice my head automatically turn to the direction from where the voice came. I “know” the voice and my head just turned. “I wish I had said a yes”, he said. I thought I would choke, but words just gushed out before I could think. I’ve said, “I wish you had atleast said a no”! I really wish I had actually wished only that! We stepped out of the elevator to say the awkward “Bye”, and moved away.

It’s all part of my daily routine now, every morning, every single morning for the last four years! The mail I did not read and the message that lies unread on my mobile back home, are totally out my routine though...