When the mind is back at work...

மேகம் பொய்த்தது!

2011-11-08T02:49:00.001+05:30

Note: It's been ages since I wrote in Tamil or updated my Tamil Blog.. (that's my way of saying please ignore spelling mistakes!) Thought it makes more sense to stick on to one place for all the ramblings, jottings and outbreaks!

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அவள்: இனிக்கு weather ஒரு மாதிரி இருக்கு-ல?

அவன்: ஏன்? எழுந்துக்கவே மனசு வரல-னு சொல்றியா?

அவள்: இல்ல, நான் மட்டும் தான் வீட்டுல தனிய இருக்கேன்-னு சீக்கிரமே எழுந்துட்டேன், வெளில வந்து பார்த்தா ஒரே இருட்டிண்டு, மேகமூட்டமா இருக்கு! ரெண்டு நாளாவே மழை வரும்-னு பார்த்து வெளில போகாம வீட்டுலையே இருந்துட்டேன் வேற... இனக்கு அம்மா ஏதோ meeting-க்காக Bangalore போயிருக்கா... night-க்குள்ள வந்துட்டா நல்லா இருக்கும்!

அவன்: ம்ம்ம்ம்ம்ம்.... பயம் போல!

அவள்: நெஜம்மா பா.. பயம்-னு இல்ல.. ஒரு மாதிரி இருக்கு... that's all :)

அவன்: இந்த மாதிரி climate-க்கு-னு ஒரு அழகு இருக்கு... மரம்-லாம் என்னிக்கும் இல்லாத பச்சையா தெரியும், எதிர் வீடு இனிக்கு தான் கட்டினா மாதிரி பள்ளிச்சுனு இருக்கும், வானத்துல கருப்பு colour ஒரு welcome change-ஆ இருக்கும்...

அவள்: நீ பாட்டு சொல்லிண்டே போ...ஆனா, இங்க நான் யோசிக்கற விதமே வேற... பார்க்க எவ்ளோ அழகா இருக்கோ, அதே அளவுக்கு silent-ஆ இருக்கு! ரசிக்கனம்-னு ஆசை தான், ஆனா....

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அவன்: hello!

அவள்: hello! நான் தான்...

அவன்: என்ன திடீர்-னு chat-லேர்ந்து log-off பண்ணிட்டே!

அவள்: current போச்சு, இதுலே பேசலாம், பிரச்சனை இல்ல..

அவன்: current போச்சா? ரொம்ப நல்லா இருக்குமே இப்போ! சரி அத விடு, வேற எதாவது பேசலாம்! இப்படி பேசற chance அடிகடி கிடைக்காது!

அவள்: என்னமோ சொல்லு.. hey.. எனக்கு உன்ன இப்போ பார்க்கனம் போல இருக்கு... வீட்டுக்கு வரட்டுமா? Aunty கிட்டயும் phone-ல தான் பேசிருக்கேன், பார்த்தா அவங்களும் சந்தோஷப்படுவாங்க-ல?

அவன்: இனிக்கு வேணாம், நீ இப்போ பேசு, evening வெளில போலாம், plan பண்ணிட்டு சொல்றேன்.

அவள்: ம்ம்ம்...

அவன்: நெஜம்மா, சரி... அத விடு, என்ன சாப்ட்டே? என்ன பண்ணே?

அவள்: பெரிசா ஒன்னும் பண்ணல, அம்மா இட்லி வெச்சுட்டு போயிருந்தா, அத சாப்ட்டேன்...

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அவர்: யாரு மா நீ?

அவள்: Gautham இருக்காரா?

அவர்: இங்க யாரும் அப்படி இல்லையே!

அவள்: இந்த address தானே கொடுத்தார்! நான் கூட அவரோட வந்திருக்கேனே..

அவர்: ஏதோ தப்பான address-க்கு வந்திருக்கே மா... மழை வரா மாதிரி இருக்கு... சீக்கிரம் வீடு போய் சேறு!

அவள்: இப்போ தான் அவரோட பேசிண்டு இருந்தேன், phone battery போச்சு, மனசு சரி இல்ல, பார்த்தே ஆகணம்-னு வந்தேன்... உங்க போன் தாங்களேன், ஒரு call பண்ணி check பண்ணிடறேன்...

அவர்: இந்தா மா, சீக்கிரம் பேசிட்டு வெய்... என் time-அ waste பண்ணாதே!

அவள்: thank you sir. just 2 minutes.

அவர்: என்ன மா? ring போகுதா?

அவள்: number does not exist-னு வருது!?!?!?

அவர்: ?!?!?!

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அம்மா: Gayathri, தூங்கினது போதும், 10 மணி ஆச்சு, எழுந்திரு, சுட சுட இட்லி பண்ணி வெச்சிருக்கேன், சாப்ட்டுக்கோ, நான் evening first flight-ல வர try பண்றேன்!

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When marriages are made in Bhoologam... - "It's a Groom's thing!"

2011-08-19T21:20:00.002+05:30

Let's not leave the groom alone! After all he's responsible for half the wedding and half the marriage itself!

The worst nightmare for the groom (next to saying "Yes" to the girl) is shopping for the wedding! Ever thought of what all goes into his head? Here goes a partial list....

I hate shopping!
I get to wear only a white colour boring dhoti for 80% of the wedding, while she gets a saree of each colour, and two for each occasion!
I hate shopping! It's such a boring activity!
Thanks to the concept of Reception, I get to wear something other than a Dhoti!
The total count of clothes stands at 5:9 (groom:bride)! (Is anybody fighting for Mens' equality?)
I hate shopping! How do girls do it all the time?
I am least bothered about the dhotis... the mothers would get them right! (Yea, how much can I think for a white dhoti with a red and green border?)
I hate shopping! I do believe it hard!
What? I cant's get my wedding clothes before she gets her sarees? Damn!
I hate shopping! I don't get bored of saying it! I get bored shopping!
I thought I only had 4 colours (white, half white, blue, grey) to choose from, now that she's got a saree of her dreams, I get to choose the only colour that complements and supplements her saree! (Ofcourse, white!)
I hate shopping! There's not much I can do about it!
She shops for me! (Ok, this is a blessing in disguise, and am not complaining)
I hate shopping! I don't get to shop for either of us!
I don't have the time to shop! She had 4 months and I get 4 hours? (She is so going to say I am to be blamed!)
I hate shopping! Let's get done with it...
I want to look like a prince! But I don't want those expensive clothes!
I hate shopping! Too much to think!
Ok, I need to get two sets of expensive garments, she will select them, I need to try them out and approve of her selection and wear them as prescribed by her... That'll make me look perfect and more importantly relieved! (She happy, me relieved!)
I hate shopping! But now I know what's the best thing about getting married!
......
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When marriages are made in Bhoologam... - "You are invited!"

2011-08-17T20:01:00.006+05:30

Trust me when I say inviting people are the best part of a wedding (yes,
way better than shopping, saree shopping in particular, no matter how crazy about sarees you can get!) And nothing matches the joy you get on inviting people in person :)

We (roughly around now, the bride and groom start using the two letters more than the single letter previously religiously used!) bang our heads to come out with the most unique invite ever! (yes, every wedding invite is unique and very precious to that particular bride and groom!) And as for parents, every invite is a template, there's a red, there's a yellow, the wordings have been pre-decided centuries back by ancestors, and the only unique aspect it the actual names alone! (I totally adore the traditional yellow invite, and learnt a lot from that parchment myself!)

Coming down to the era of web invites (e-vites as my brother would force me into calling it!), from websites, to micro sites to scanned invites, the thought process never stops... More importantly, people brush up their English Literature from school and college promptly to get all the wedding vows, wedding verses, love messages and love poems, sonnets, couplets and

doughnuts in place! Imagination goes out on the air and what comes out it what one loves to see as their own wedding invite for ages to come and nothing shall minuscule the joy of inviting near and dear ones with the best of their works!

Deviating a little and making this post a little specific to my wedding, I hereby share the making of my wedding invite.... snippets from behind the scenes!

1) All of us know it's a perfectly arranged marriage, still we explored the option of eloping!!! (I had this dialogue rehearsed right from the time the first version was out!)

2) We even tried getting converted into the other half of Tam-Brahms, so that we don't have to change the invite further!

3) But finally, we knew we can't change and ended up being the real ourselves!!!

4) Not to forget what we believe in, when we say it the TamBrahmRage ishtyle....

This being brought out in public, wondering what would have gone behind the scenes of the hundreds of wedding invites I've seen over years... am sure there is a story behind each one of them!!!

And once again, we, Ram and I, can't wait to see you all at the wedding :)

When marriages are made in Bhoologam... - "Sarees all the way!"

2011-08-12T14:15:00.002+05:30

Remember Rukmini's kalyanam? I might (not) be over exaggerating when I say "Saree(s) are more important in the wedding than the groom" (Disclaimer #1: Definitely not the case in my wedding, that's around the corner! Disclaimer #2: Hubby-to-be rocks! Disclaimer #3: End of Disclaimers...).

It's not just the groom who gets intimidated by a six yard silk saree (an additional 3 yards incase of a Tam-Brahm, of which we can talk in length a lil later!), it is also the entire family and friends circle! Literally every member gets to decide (with totally guided assistance from the bride herself) on what to wear (rather what not to wear) based on what the bride wears! It's not just the groom's attire, but also the wedding hall decorations, floral arrangements, garlands and a whole bunch of wedding planning that totally and entirely depends on the bride's saree(s)! (Gosh, I am so lucky to be on the luckier side :P) Come on, it's nice to have the right contrast on the wedding photograph you are going to look at for ages to come!!!

This being said, none should have a doubt as to why "Wedding Saree(s) Shopping" is the mother of all shopping and kick-starts the wedding prep! The purchasing of the saree(s) involves more religious sentiments than the wedding itself! There needs to be the right day (early enough to get the blouses stitched on time), right time (all the 7 planets as per astrology and the 2 shadow planets need to get in perfect sync and help the cause), right shopping party (essentially every female member in both the families, including kids and pets and one male member to accompany them, handle the cash and carry the bags), consensus on the right shop (between the families), consensus on the colours (inside the bride's ever-confused head), bride's patience to get every saree draped around (and MMS/ e-mail the trial pic to the rest of the deciding party who couldn't make it to the shop!) and more importantly consensus on the final saree (or set of sarees)! Phew!

Did I mention a nine-yard saree somewhere above? That has a few more checks before it can become the bride's... All the right things above have to be doubly right and all the consensus should be doubly strong!

Finally when all the sarees are in place and the bride, hence the groom and also both the families are happy, that's when we all say in chorus "Let rest of the wedding prep begin!"

When marriages are made in Bhoologam... - "The Rendezvous"

2011-07-22T23:19:00.005+05:30

ren·dez·vous

n. pl. ren·dez·vous - A meeting at a prearranged time and place.

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Did I change the order of events? Did I get the process wrong? Aren't the event leads and key players (yes the families, extended families and ofcourse the girl and guy under scrutiny) supposed to meet? Aren't conventional meeting places (girl's house) shunned out of practice and replaced with so-called neutral or non-committal hangouts (temples! restaurants! friends' place! friend's friend's friend's place and so on!)?

Rendezvous #1:

Location: Temple in the heart of the city

Participants: Girl's party (a team with more than 3 members is fondly referred to as 'party' and strictly no connection with any political views!), guy's party, girl and guy

Duration of scene: Half an hour for members of each party to get introduced to each other and 5 mins for the girl and guy to talk before they hopefully say 'Yes'

Gist of the 5 min seal-the-deal talk:

Minute #1 - girl says 'Hi', guy says 'Hi', girl says her name (not that it wasn't known before), guy says name, followed by silence

Minute #2 - both of them say they aren't sure what to talk, followed by longer silence

Minute $3 - typical "Tell me about yourself" interview question posed to girl, she's well prepared and completes her entire education and professional life history in 48 seconds, followed by shorter silence

Minute #4 - boy is posed the same question, he is definitely less prepared but still manages to finish it in 56 seconds, followed by just a pause!

Minute #5 - They decide to get back to respective parties and convey their decision!

Five minutes later, both parties scream with joy, "Ah! They said 'Yes'!"

Rendezvous #2:

Location: Girl's house

Participants: Same as Rendezvous #1

Duration: Similar to Rendezvous #1

Gist of the seal-the-deal talk: Girl and guy don't stop talking and get back to the respective parties within the stipulated time (1 hour as per the unwritten norm!), respective parties rush to the talk floor and assume the result, girl and guy blush and end of scene!

Five minutes later, both parties scream with joy, "Ah! They said 'Yes'!"

Rendezvous #3:

Location: Skype! (For the technically strong hearted souls)

Participants: Girl and Guy (blame the absence of wide angle webcams!)

Duration: It depends (Let the jargons fly around!)

Gist of the seal-the-deal talk:

Minute #1 - #30 - Girl and guy set up Skype account

Minute #31 - #45 - Girl and guy add each other as Skype contact

Minute #46 - #55 - They stare at each other (ofcourse, they are no saints)

Minute #55 - #60 - Same conversation as in Rendezvous #1!

Five minutes later, both parties scream with joy, (at their respective houses) "Ah! They said 'Yes'!"

Rendezvous #4:

Both parties scream with joy, (at their respective houses) "Ah! They said 'Yes'!" and the girl and guy meet a month later! (Rendezvous of families, hours of seal-the-deal talk between girl and guy over phone do not get covered as per definition of "Rendezvous" above!)

When marriages are made in Bhoologam... - "Ah! They said 'Yes'!"

2011-07-21T12:19:00.004+05:30

Marriages? - That's only a reminder to myself that am getting married, and have loads of work to do and need to complete the post soon enough and get it up on the blog and not sit and stare at the monitor waiting for a comment to pop in!

Bhoologam (earth) is where we are, and marriages and more importantly weddings, are designed, made and executed very much here and not in any Devalogam (heaven)!

Coming to today's topic, "Ah! They said 'Yes'!" - Probably the line that goes around across both families for the next couple of days, admist parents, uncles, aunts, grandpas, grandmas, kids, pets and to-be-borns too in both the families! But even before they could say 'Yes', a lot goes into the screenplay!

Arranged marriages are super complicated than my most dreaded chapter in Medevial Indian History! You have every permutation to be liked, approved and accepted! Boy's family likes girl's family, girl's family likes boy's family, boy's family likes girl, girl's family like boy, girl likes boy's family, boy likes girl's family and finally after one big loop, boy likes girl and girl likes boy! No wonder the whole world celebrates when the three letters Y, E, S are heard at once! At that very instant, all prayers are answered and more prayers are offered. The search action ends but a whole deal of actions begin!

As any event coordinator would say, the bride is the one who confidently says "Let the planning begin!" and so did I!

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part X

2011-07-21T01:46:00.003+05:30

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX

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Manjari was out of the hall. I am not sure if the others had noticed any of this. Half the crowd was dancing and half the crowd was already on the ninth cloud. The last words Manjari had said kept me still. “Am doing this for both of us. It’s for the best that we don’t marry for an obligation. I deserve a response from someone else and I am going to wait for it, no matter how long it takes. Apology is too small a word that I want to suffocate you with. I am leaving you with no choice. But am glad am going to give myself a chance again. Take care.” She said she was going to wait for a response! I owe one big time to someone else.

I rushed again, this time to the other end of the hall where “she” had parked her car and stepped down and stood wondering why she was here. She has not moved on. She’s been waiting for a response and I had not known she was waiting all along!

She was there, mingling in the crowd. Smiling, but totally fake. I know her smile. I know her laugh. I know her. I know now, that I know her! Like old times I patted her on the back from behind and she did turn...

“Ask me the question again!” She broke down at that!

“Ask me the question again!” She was completely in tears, and never had I seen this bold lady cry.

“If am right, the last time you asked, if you were part of my plan. You were my plan. I just was insane and out of my minds to have not realised that” She would still not stop.

“All my life, I would say a hundred “Yes” from morning till night, day in and day out. Would that make up a little?” A small smile came across from beneath those tears.

“So, you have an answer now!” is all that she said and held me tight. I knew she had and I definitely had forgotten the six years we had lost. We were back.

Just when I realised we owed the crowd an explanation, she asked “Can we change the party board to read Shreya & Gautham, I am only asking for half of it to change right? And this time, before even she could finish the question I was out with my response “Absolutely!”

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part IX

2011-07-21T01:42:00.003+05:30

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII

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I rushed into the house to check my Inbox. The “Hiiiiiii” is all that I wanted to check now. Earlier this day, I would have wanted to reply with an affirmative immediately. I did not mind being a fool to think that marrying a stranger would eventually mean I have moved on. But now, I did not want to hurry into anything. I let it stay while I thought of the day again. It was an intuition then and now, and I stood by it.

“He hasn’t moved on!” I just shrieked? I did. He so hasn’t and is going to make life difficult for Manjari as well? Do I step in? Do I try and help him sort out things? Do I help? Do I need to? I had no clue, till my hands ran over the text messages in my mobile and saw a text from him; “Got five minutes today? I owe you a response...” He should not be responding now. He should not be saying what I wanted to hear. He should not be saying what I did not want to hear as well.

I settled down on the sofa and thought of what I had told him last. I had told him I would be there for him, even if from a distance. He needs to know I am doing fine before he starts his new life. He needs to know or atleast believe that I have moved on. Have I? That’s for me to think. But I need to be there for him at the best party of his life. I cannot gather myself up to make it to the wedding, but a party, with a larger known crowd, I should really be able to manage.

I made sure I looked my best. I cannot believe I dressed up big time for an occasion I would otherwise not have considered changing from office clothes. I wanted to show that I am a different person now. I wanted to reassure him and myself that I am doing fine.

I knew the party hall upside down. I knew he would be inside the main hall thirty minutes into the party. It’s always safe to go late and sneak out early. The plan was clear. I just had to mark my presence and sport a smile and be back soon to get myself to my favourite sleep state wherein I don’t have to think.

I did drive late, I drove through the side entrance only shocked to see him wait there and still surprised to see him pace away when I got down. He sure hasn’t moved on and he definitely has the right answer this time. Question is, do I ask again?

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part VIII

2011-07-21T01:40:00.004+05:30

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII

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I knew she wouldn’t want to make it to the wedding. I wish she would, just that she wouldn’t. I have invited her to the party to see her smile, to see her wish me whole heartedly. I wanted to make sure she was fine. Probably she has moved on and wouldn’t make it. Probably it was high time I got over my guilt. I had my turn, I did not realise, I did not respond and now I have another turn, at another life, which I cannot afford to miss and add on to my guilt baggage.

She said she would eventually make it? She did and she would. She really would.

This party is not totally a bad idea. I get a chance to accept things and move on. As I hold on to Manjari’s hands and introduce her to my colleagues, I know what am accepting and what I am moving into. I just do not know, what I am moving away from.

It was only fifteen minutes since Manjari and I had stepped in and I had already checked the guest list ten times to see if “she" has checked in. I was at the gate at the thirtieth minute, when she stepped out of her car. That minute I knew I had not really moved on and this whole wedding was a hasty decision and a bad imposition on a simple girl. It was my mistake that I had not responded in years. It was my mistake I had not corrected the mistake. Worse still, it was my mistake that I added on to the list of mistakes by brining Manjari into the loop. I thought of this, turned back and walked into the hall, only to notice that Manjari was fully aware of my conflicting thoughts and that it was not for no reason that I was pacing up and down the party hall.

She is too timid, too soft and too sensitive, Manjari. I could not see her face after the revelation I had just got. I wished I could run away from all this, like I always do. For once, I knew it was time I faced the reality up, real and bold. I rushed to Manjari to confront her and let her free of my complications. She deserves much better and more concerned a person. I wasn’t ready to face Manjari alone and that was without any plan in mind. I just knew I was sorry and this time, I just knew I had to say it then and there.

As I faced her, I saw a tear trickle down her face. Manjari and I have never been the closest of couples you could see during their courtship, but we had been very good friends if one could consider eating out, going out for movies and shopping as what good friends do. We are still not there yet, to read each other’s minds or each other’s problems. Thankfully we were not into each other that much as yet. She was in tears and I just stood.

“Am sorry you had to know at this last minute!” and she burst out!

I stood there confused.

“The only reason I said ‘Yes’ was to move on from a not-worth-mentioning past of mine. But now when we are almost there close to the date, I know I do not have the heart to loop you into this. I did not know you would realise and stand away from me during the party. That was not how I wanted you to know. I thought we could work things out. It was just my fault and I would really want to save your time. You deserve much better.”

As always, I said nothing.

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part VII

2011-07-21T01:34:00.006+05:30

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI

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I got used to the distance I asked for. I knew we were going to have a brighter future, just that we would not be sharing it. I knew we were going to see each other every day and it would be hard to ignore or stay indifferent. It was difficult to not look at the one person who had made every single day in the past memorable. It was difficult to not talk to the one person who had listened to the smallest of words I had ever uttered. It was difficult to stop caring for the one person I had cared about the most and start caring about me. It was difficult, but never impossible, and here I am, the result of unconditioned self care!

As weird that might sound, weird it was. I had given up on few traits of mine. I took off from my circle, the few things that no longer meant anything. I let go of those who did not fight hard enough to be by my side. I stayed back for myself. I grew stronger, less fond of him, more serious about life, especially mine.

I am still not sure if I had made my point and made it difficult for him by staying in the same work place. I am not sure if things could have been different, but I believe things aren’t and hence would not have been!

When I looked back to see, I had the perfect life, without a perfect someone to share with, I had stopped looking back. When I looked around, I saw the people with their perfect someone and a life that looked what I thought was perfect in their own way. I was too happy and too sad to be the exception, but atleast I had my own way of living my life.

I had moved on, for I cared too much about me. I hadn’t moved on enough to see someone else. I feared responses and the absence of them! I feared dependence; over dependence and inability regain independence. I feared lack of commitment from either side. In short, I feared! I hadn’t moved on enough until I knew he had moved on. I was happy he had moved on without even realising what he had to move on from. It made it easier for all the moving to happen!

I am done, done for the day! I had the sudden urge to pack off and rush out. I am getting an overdose of memories at one shot unlike the past years, something I haven’t trained myself to handle and wouldn’t want to either. I know I have a life to get back to at home. I have left something unanswered and I know I no longer want to! Right now, all I want to think for the rest of the day is that familiar “Hiiiiiiiiiiii” I had left unanswered in my inbox.

“Hey, done for the day?” He’s still hanging around!

“Was just leaving...”

“Would be glad if you can make it!”

“I know, I eventually would!”

“Great! Am in a hurry now, meet you at the party then!”

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part VI

2010-10-03T16:43:00.004+05:30

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V
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I was done, for the day. I had wrapped them all up, all the files and all the work. I had bid all goodbyes and extended warm invites to every single person in every single cabin I could see in that floor. I had tried to push all these to the last minute, as I did not want the wedding to be the only thing to look forward too.

She is perfect, the one am going to marry. She is probably too perfect for someone this normal as me. Almost everyone I have met has been so. I had no clue of what I had missed or why I had moved away, till I had to say “Yes” to this girl. Maybe it was our families that had my answer out from me, maybe it was her, maybe I would have answered to anyone then or maybe I just wanted that to come out for once. It was only then realised I should have answered to someone else, sometime back.

It’s been six months that am engaged. It was just a week since I was asked to meet this girl and I already had to say “Yes” to someone I had hardly known. My fiancée, assuming it’s righteous to call her so, was way too timid, to even ask. She just stood and I just thought of a similar evening a year before that.

A year of staying away from the dearest of people, a year of remote conversations that made me miss human touch. I had just landed back. My closest friend she was, and she was there in the airport to receive me. The smile was there, a little too fake. The “Hi” was low and the usual handshake was weak and there was no warm hug. I thought she was busy, tired and bored. I never knew she was alone. I did not ask and she did not tell what was bothering her. We were in constant touch. We spoke more than ever when I was gone. Then, in the airport, made me wonder if I had ever known her, if I had, I would have known.

My assignment was over. I was back for good. I had plans here. I wanted to settle down big. She knew my plans. She was there planning it with me, for me. She knew I had missed her out in the plan and never said a word. I knew I was going right till that evening, she said she had to move out of my life. She literally said that, on one of the most important day of life. “Am proud of you, am happy for you, and am happy you get to do what you always wanted to – work, friends and now this new home for yourself. Am sure you will go places. For a while I want to be happy for myself. I can’t see you have a plan and not be a part of it. I had a plan. I no longer have one. I need one and need to be strong for myself. I had asked a question. I would have loved to hear an answer, either ways. Am not sure if I will ever get to hear that. I don’t want to wait to see it not happen. I don’t want to part as friends. I don’t want us to part at all. I just want to move away, and move on. I need some space now, for myself. As always, I will always be there for you, just that now, it will be from a distance. Bye for now...” and she had left with a smile on her face. Thanks to that smile, I knew she would be fine. Thanks to that smile, I was never fine again.

Yes, I said “Yes” to this girl even after I thought of the other evening. I thought it would help me move on. I thought I would be fine again. I thought she was strong, happy and safe. I am still not sure if either of us are - she, me or my fiancée.

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part V

2010-07-19T08:51:00.000+05:30

Recap - Part I Part II Part III Part IV
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When you get used to distances, even proximity seems too far! I felt like I was in an island of friends, with my own piece of land for myself and none to share. It was sort of a blessing that I could enjoy all this. I have had my share of distances and spaces and it was time I redefined certain boundaries.

I would say it was a dream, come true, when I found that there were people to care for, when I stepped into the outside world alone. If there are only seven in the whole world, who would say beginning of corporate life was the best part of their lives, I would be their leader shouting that out to rest of the world. It was a bigger dream come true or even a miracle, when someone cared for me in return. I had always believed that there was a margin bordering the difference between ego, attitude and arrogance. He was that margin personified and walking around as a six foot man with a mission to keep people around him happy, dreaming, in glee and totally in awe. I had always had his shoulder to lean on, when in despair, when low on hope and whenever I wanted to feel safe. He had always lent a ear to all that rambling I went on with, that would never stop no matter what time of the day it was. We had been connected even when I was away and I cursed myself for misjudging the beautiful friendship, the first time I did.

A slightly heavier lunch and an overload of reasons to think, seem to make me travel back to my memories of good old days a little more than always. In spite of the crystal like memory I boast of, it’s been years since I thought back at all these. I thought I wasn’t strong to handle it, but now I know nobody else could have handled it any better. Thank God, I know am doing great. This feeling makes me special to myself every single day.

As I checked the mails that have filled my inbox, over the lunch time I was out, on a lunch date with myself and my favourite katti rolls, I ran through all the replies to his wedding invite, he had sent to the team. I had wished him with a one liner, “Hearty congrats to the happy couple!” and I have seen him look disturbed from then on. He knows he has not yet lived up to all the four keywords in my reply. He was hurrying into a marriage he thinks would help him forget his past, he knew he was wrong, still he knew that was his only way out as a favour to himself.

He was not one of a kind. I knew of another who could not have been any nicer. I have always been lucky to meet the best of the people. I have always been blessed with their love and affection. When there’s and extra element of care added to the equation I have felt like a princess. I had asked him, not so clearly, not so obviously, nevertheless asked him, if we were just friends. He had not replied. I had assumed I had got it all wrong and blamed myself for questioning the purest of friendship that ever blossomed on mother earth. I thought as much, till I was once asked the same by another person. I then knew how tough it was to answer when asked. I also knew I had an obligation to answer and clarify at once. I answered with a “No”, I meant “We are just friends” and then we were clear and great friends now. This was when I was away for a year, just before I had to come back.

I had come back right when he had planned to take up an onsite offer. I had felt heavy about his plans getting postponed. I knew he had no choice. I had still wanted a status check and tried to be a little more explicit when I asked him this time. “I need to know if am going to be on the top of your priorities right now. I need to know if I can be happy to wait.” He didn’t reply. I knew he had meant he had other priorities on his head and he couldn’t think of me and his life together then. He didn’t realise we were getting older. I understood his stand and felt bad for understanding a little too much. I was relieved I had asked, else would have always assumed without any reason that his response would have been what I wanted to hear. He was not one of a kind. If I had met him, and another, I know there would be others. Just that I also knew I wouldn’t anyways bother myself to care.

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part IV

2010-07-11T21:14:00.000+05:30

Recap - Part I Part II Part III

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Four years and she has not asked me a simple “Why”. Maybe she had wanted to ask thousand such whys for all that happened, maybe she had asked and I had no clue she did, maybe she was tired of asking, maybe she knew the answers or maybe she didn’t have the question in the first place!

She smiled more than ever and said I could have the three weeks leave I had requested for. She should have asked more about it. She should have had more to say. She chose not to. Surprised, but happy she’s pulled through all this. I walked out of the cabin in less than two minutes. She’s not let me stand near her or for any longer. I have not let her think of a way to get rid of me every time. I have moved away myself. Like always, I just left. Surprised, but happy I have started to think like her, for her.

I had to wind up things at work and meet people in the office. Am leaving tomorrow and have a whole baggage to pack off. People were hanging around near my desk and plans being made for a party that evening. They wanted to make it the best party I could have ever been to. I smiled to myself and wondered when and how my memory grew sharper! I could now clearly remember the one party that shall always be my best, the one she had thrown the day before she left. That was when she had hinted and I had not realised she had. That was when I should have said a “Yes” or a “No”, for that would have made a difference and I would have still had her by me.

The seven of us were there and she was leaving the next day for her Masters. She had made me study along with her. She had even helped me out at work so that I could study. I did give her company in studying, but that was for her sake. As for me, I had other plans. I had my career chalked out. I knew what I wanted and what I was going to do. She had asked me a hundred times what my plan was, from the day our results had come. She was in and I wasn’t and she sure did know I had a plan. Our idea of career was different and we respected that when she had to leave. We wished for each other’s good and more importantly we knew we would still be the best of friends no matter where we go. That’s all that had mattered, atleast to me.

She asked me for the hundredth time that night when I dropped her off at her place. She asked me what I would do for the next two years. I had wanted to work for two years and then do my Masters. I told her that. She said “I wish you would come with me now, we would graduate together and that would make things much easier!” and smiled, suppressing a tear that could have made things clear for me then itself. That was the first time I saw her eyes yearn for something, but back then didn’t know they were asking me if she and I had a future. I hadn’t replied to her then. That was first of the many opportunities she gave me to respond. I failed to read that. I failed to read much more than that. Clearly, there was no line anymore, no thin line that demarked the boundaries. She had realised that and I should have too. We were meant to cross it together.

She went on to have an amazing twelve months and right through we were there for each other, distance has never made us far from each other and time just flew before we could realise it did. It was time I executed my plan and I had not hurried into it yet. Even before I could enter the next step, she was back. Only to ask me again what my plan was.

As I thought how much change has changed her, I noticed my mobile ring louder than ever. The plan for tonight’s party was confirmed and I had to be there by seven with my fiancée. I looked at my monitor and the tiny clock there showed it was time for lunch and I had another half a day to push through.

Somethings and some Nothings!!! – Part III

2010-07-05T05:40:00.000+05:30

Recap - Part I Part II

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In a world where self pride becomes the key to existence, ego is the safest weapon one can use. To prove "I am, what I am and I am all that I have", I probably am using it as a weapon of destruction, that kills a potentially dying friendship, if I can call it so!

He reports to me, in a totally different sense we report to each other every day and it doesn’t get any better. But within the four walls of the cabin or within the frame of professional work, I don’t think. I don’t question myself anything and even better, I don’t question him. I didn’t think till he walked out with his leave request approved. I didn’t want to confirm my worst fear of being the only one to have moved on. Moved on might be a superlative of something lighter I feel. It’s just that am not even in search of words.

I could have easily asked “Why?”. I had all the time, all these years, yet I hadn’t. And now, I cannot. It’s fair and simple. It would have been hardly two minutes since he walked out of my cabin without asking if I would be there, and I had already thought of all the responses I would have given if I were asked. I have always wondered if things would have been easier if I thought about it any lesser.

I stared at the invitation I had not opened. I knew the content inside too well. I knew this was coming and had prepared myself for it. I knew the day, time and people mentioned in bold and gold, inside the beautiful laced invitation cover and I wish I hadn’t known it this deep. This was not what he wanted, and I knew that as well.

It was like any other day, except that I had those extra two minutes of discussion with him. It was time that I got back to work and smiled at all the mails on my office laptop. Work makes me smile, for I can easily get lost in it without blaming myself too much about it. I had known the way to work around in this place and this level of comfort made life more convenient for me. I could choose to choose and opt to ignore anything and anyone at any time and however brutal that sounds, that was the best part of what I do here.

It wasn’t even eleven in the morning, and the day can never be longer! I knew I had to rush for a cup of coffee. Alone, but hot black coffee and the view from the balcony on our 7^th floor cafeteria are the best company I could ask for. I needed that time off alone, and when I closed my eyes I could hear the music in my head. Doing all these alone, I had never imagined I would get addicted to! Am glad I did...

Somethings and Nothings - Part II

2010-06-26T16:28:00.000+05:30

Recap - Part I

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“I wish I had said yes”, I said. As I said this once again, I really wished I would get another chance. It’s been four long years of regret, hope and despair. But it’s been a longer period of love, care and friendship. I just thought of a moment six years back, but had to rush for this daily call for which I run in this early every morning and end up giving a wrong impression to the one person I wanted to be perfectly right.

Six years back when I had entered the same meeting hall I stand in, little did I know I wasn’t alone, little did I know that I would stand here today recollecting the past, something I had never dreamt of happening to me of all people. I had a past? A relationship which I call a past? I might or might not have! That’s me; I am not too sure... At least I have started thinking about it and I wish I had started earlier.

The meeting was a routine status call and I had all the time to be with myself, to think what went wrong or what went right! That’s actually all the time I have got for myself! I had made a choice and now I live with it.

She was there, when I thought I was pushed into a new island. She just smiled and said a simple “Hello” and instantly connected. I might have hesitated at least for a second or two before I breathed out a weaker “helloooo”, but in no time, we were out there laughing with rest of the lot at the lunch table. There were seven of us, who became a notorious gang, but the rest five were different from her. She was the person I had right from daily route bus to my cubicle, from morning till evening, for every single thought I needed to share and for every single time I needed someone to just talk to or even shout at; she was there! She did not stop with a smile alone; she spoke about everything more than anyone one can ever imagine. She could just not stop and that’s what made us complement each other even more.

She was always with people, so much that the whole world knew her and wanted to be friends with her. I thought myself to have been lucky that way. We were best of friends and the best part was that there were no strings attached. We had our spaces, we had our separate lives, people, career and more than that we had our own priorities! Just that I misread what was mine, and more so what she thought was hers!

“Any questions?” was all that I heard in today’s call and thankfully it was over with that. Memories come in handy in such situations, if I have to look at the brighter side of a hanging past or a boring meeting. As I walk out of the conference room, I crossed her cabin and she hurriedly looked up from her desk. “Got a minute?” and I immediately stepped in.

Somethings and Nothings - Part I

2010-06-19T00:57:00.000+05:30

It was the perfect start to the perfect day. A warm sunshine by my window, with the mild breeze pushing my nylon curtains aside, waking me up from the deep sleep I was in. I walked down to my kitchen still smiling at what the morning has just given me – a brand new day in my life, a new chapter, a new episode. As the smile began to diminish came the strong aroma of the coffee, tickling every cell of my mind to get ready to face what’s ahead, to get started and get going.

Things have changed, after I had moved in, or I would rather say out! In - into my own world that I never knew of four years back. Out – out of others’ that I had always been a part of. Little did I think about this all these years, until I opened my Inbox, the only place where a conversation is called one even if it’s one-sided!

Amongst the pile of journals and online newsletters I had subscribed to, there was this outlier with a “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”. It was a familiar, too known a Hi, which I could never have missed. Instinctively I chose to ignore it for the rest of the day, it’s been a blessing so far and it had just started.

Clearly, I had missed something, I thought, as I checked my bag before I locked the door. I no longer run back to take what I leave behind, I have started to live without it, if I need to. It’s easier and I am fine with it. I thought for a second time, still chose not to recollect if it was my mobile that I had left behind that had a new message that I saw only later that evening.

I took the usual train to work and rushed in for the seat by the window, to stare at the parallel tracks alongside, all along the journey. And as thoughts rushed by, I pushed them off for a later part of the day, which I hoped would never come. I was running to the elevator at the office building when I did not notice my head automatically turn to the direction from where the voice came. I “know” the voice and my head just turned. “I wish I had said a yes”, he said. I thought I would choke, but words just gushed out before I could think. I’ve said, “I wish you had atleast said a no”! I really wish I had actually wished only that! We stepped out of the elevator to say the awkward “Bye”, and moved away.

It’s all part of my daily routine now, every morning, every single morning for the last four years! The mail I did not read and the message that lies unread on my mobile back home, are totally out my routine though...

A woman at heart...

2010-05-06T13:00:00.000+05:30

Am not a crazy feminist, am not "against" men or women or "for" either as well :) It's just the human race as such that amazes me :). From few people I know, their way of life and stories told and from a few phases of life that I have personally seen, little could I react to the world at large...

It's just a thought, just a way of explaining what's what and who's who... It's just a way of venting it all out...

I dedicate the lines below to all those in my life who have cared for me, and who have given me a place in their lives for me to care for them.. and its only coincidental that Mother's Day is around the corner and hence, "Mom, you top the list" :)

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Wept by the tide called time, with feet too cold to step aside,

blocked by oneself with the worst of fears,

choked with memories and clogged with tears,

there she is, to care!!!

Swayed away by thoughts, to a land so farther,

blown apart into halves, that know not the other,

a quest set in its own path, start and end unknown.

Still, here she is, to care!!!

Good to all, never good to self,

a mind that thinks and a heart that swells.

Been there, and seen it all,

As always, there she is, to care!!!

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That's it !!! Just one part of the story.. would love to see people add on to this :) I feel there's something I've left unsaid... and something else that needs to go in... So, junta, please come up with your lines.. would be a different attempt altogether :)

P.S.1: Am looking for some interesting lines from few ppl I have in mind.. eagerly waiting for these and the rest to add on :)

P.S.2 : This is no contest !!!

Colours !!!

2010-04-13T19:46:00.000+05:30

After nearly 10 years, I held a paint brush in hand :) Felt like I was back in school again :) Thanks to Ms.Lata Chavan, my art teacher back then who shall always be remembered for her love and passion for art and her students.

My come back to art is marked with our very own "Pullayar Suzhi" ( Starting note being Lord Ganesha), literally!!!

Ganesha, my personal favourite - a friend, a companion, and conveniently turned into a model for my experiments with art !!! Hes been with me through tough and happy times and nothing makes me feel better than a small effective prayer to him :)

वक्रतुंड महाकाय सूर्यकोटिसमप्रभ।

निर्विघ्नं कुरु मे देव सर्वकार्येषु सर्वदा

(Vakratunda Mahakaya Surya Koti Samaprabha

Nirvighnam Kurumedeva Sarvakaryeshu Sarvada)

Recent Colours:

Older Sketches:

Now that I've started on a bright note, hoping to come up with better work in the future :)

Happy Bday Raghu !!!

2010-02-10T23:36:00.000+05:30

I would have wrote atleast 50 different lines of poetry and prose to fill up this post (wish blogspot could show all the versions I wrote out here :P), but below this collage of the cutest pics I can think of... I finally give up and all I can say is:

"Raghu, you make me proud, in everything you do, you make me love you even more... and offlate end up missing you more than how much I love you...."

HAPPY B'DAY DA!!!! Love you loads!!!!

P.S.: Since blog-o-sphere is the only place Dad & Mom have still not explored, a special bday wish form them too...

What it takes to update!!!.

2009-11-05T12:11:00.000+05:30

"I need to update my blog" - this line has been on top my head for two days now, coz I was totally vetti (vella) at work and coz I hav committed myself to be a regular blogger (read am that scared of kavi or harini naggin me to update :P). Also I dint want this blog to feel left out coz of my all new photo blog :P

So, "What do I write about?" - this has been on my head from early this morning (theres a lead time of a day between the decision to blog and actual process start) and have tried my best not to request for suggestions on my status msg :P

Maybe, something not like my usual ones - maybe lemme think like Harini for a min...... thinking........mmmmmmmmm..... Tag Post"ies"!!!! What are the ten thingies you wish to hav? What are the ten places you would love to visitie? Who are the ten people you wish to give a hardie time? What are the ten things that come to the top of your mind for a new blog idea? - There it is, top ten things on my mind for a blog idea :) Thats what am gonna write about :) Thanks Hari dear :)

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1) Tag posts - list down ten random things, tag 10 people and bug them to do the same. am more for jus bugging people and hence would spare the listing part of it. wouldn't want too much of a overhead :P

2) Poetry - as much as i love writing (and reading) them, as much as i know what Kavi would comment :) and as much as I want to stick on to tht genre alone... I want a Change!!!! Primarily coz i want to save the good ones to go along with the photos :)

3) Prose - am saving all the thoughts for a short story am writing for a contest... guess would have to wait till I complete, submit there and gets published there :)

4) Philosophy - ok am new to this end of philosophy :P been more on the recieving end (my philosopher would agree). I just have one i came up with today - "Missing" is a contagious chain reaction!!! Lemme start blogging on this now........

When you miss someone, it starts a chain reaction within yourself and you start listing out all the people you miss dearly at the moment. Not just that, you make this low feeling spread across to the near ones (read next to you at the moment). Hence its contagious too!!! Now if these two lines have either made people away miss me so much taht you cant directly hit me on my head :P or made you realise you too miss someone that bad... "Mission Accomplis!!!" (P.S. : Raghu it all started with me thinking of how i miss waking you up with my sweet lil song :P) .. now that even I can't take more of my philosophy, i switch to the next option

5) Life @ Kol - I will have 2-3 things I like about Kol which might fall under the micro-blogging Vishwa was talking abt and a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge list of things that make me believe this city sucks !!! (for my dear Bengali friends - please read it as why Kol doesn't suit me or like me that well)... for the hate list, I sure will blog on that once i get back form home next time, coz everytime I come back and land in Kol, theres one new item added to the list :) Like "Citi never sleeps", "My Kol-hate-list never ends" :P

6) Art - still to come out in public is my artistic talent ( people, trust me I draw :) and quite decent at it :) One good passionate time pass activity.. Converting a pic taken by Deepak to a sketch, once that is done, will upload my fav ones :)

7) News - current affairs?!?!?! and me :O ... not been getting along well offlate... I have this bad habit of "I can't follow the news propoerly if I dont have the physical copy of Hindu on hand and hot piping tea on the table and mom yelling at me to go get ready :)" - as a result I end up getting late news more often than hot news :P

8) Nostalgia - this has become an audience request (read reader's choice) now. Sups has already requested for one on MIT days, and if I do that, I will feel bad abt leaving behind the fun days at VGSOM and for all you know I might end up writing on Cognizant and CavinKare days too :P (Not a bad idea...... :P).. will work on different concepts (somebody get me the thinking cap pls :P)

9) Reviews - wanted to very badly write one on Chetan Bhagat's 2 states - refrained for two reason a) I was lazy and b) my dear thambi Sankar has already written my thoughts on people's thoughts on Chennai.. why redundancy in blogosphere... definitely not, atleast till I can make a travelouge :)

10) Random Ramblings - on shopping, on travel, on eat-outs, on people, on life, basically on everything :P... that's what am good at and am sticking on to that :) (if this post classifies to be random enough).... Imagine the plight of people (read Sriram) who have to hear it day in and day out and people (read Bala) who will be bugged to read and comment and few others either long lost or recently lost :P

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Now that my intention of updating the blog is done, I shall sleep peacefuly :) Also, I shall save the rest of the world from tagging and asking them to do the same and thrust more misery on my readers :)

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Disclaimer : All names taken in this post were just for fun or to make them more popular :) and not to hurt anyone or their feelings :)

Making of remakes

2009-10-13T14:16:00.000+05:30

Ok, some pause to life and its ramblings, to philosophical thoughts :P, to all that goes working in a devil's workshop (read idle mind)... Had promised myself to write a lighter post soon and here I go...

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Am no film critic, but a film lover in the sense i appreciate movies that make sense to me... from that point of view my take on two remake movies i recently saw...

For the record - I sincerely feel the original essence can never be captured in a remake or at least will not appeal if the same person watches both the versions... one ends up liking the version one has seen first rather than the better version... (the very same reason i liked Jay Jay over Serendipity, Manasellam and Idhayathai Thirudadhey over Love Story and loads on similar lines). Also one might just avoid seeing a second version ( I couldn't even try watching Saathiya and Hindi Ghajini after seeing likes of Maddy and Surya respectively and Bhool Bhulaiya after Shobana's mind blowing Manichitrathazhu or Jyothika's Chandramukhi)... The list is longer, with an amazing list of languages we follow and amazing list of movies on hand, we are bound to love some, like some, dislike some and more so hate some :)

Right now, my two cents on two recent Tamil flicks...

Ninaithale Inikkum - Now one might wonder if this even deserves a review or a comment... i just felt it might, coz this this is the genre that gets remade left right center from language to language across the country :P Theres a college building, 4 friends, more classmates, 2 gangs, a love story to blossom and break and get back at the end, a revenge, a student union, 5 songs, 2 fights, 10 senti dialogues, a prof/dad to lecture the kids into well being.... Simple, typical Indian cinema story line... but the way its conceived by the director comes out right only the first time. "Classmates" the original Mallu version, was sweet despite all the commonalities... was fresh, was at least well defined screenplay... enjoyed the movie not just coz prithviraj was there :P but coz it got the college theme across in full spirits. In the Tamil version, prolly the focus was more on remaking and ended up being a parade of scenes with not much of correlation. The essence was lost, and so was my interest. I seriously sat down wondering would the effect be the same on first time viewers, and it indeed was!!! So much for the effort taken to remake every single movie to every possible language....

Unnai Pol Oruvan - There was A Wednesday, there was a movie out there that has made an impact, there was a Nasrudeen Shah who was impeccable, there always was. Chennai would never know what it is to be a Mumbai to relate to A Wednesday, but Chennai did. Thanks to Unnai Pol Oruvan. Thanks to Kamal Hasan and Mohan Lal for making us forget it was yet another remake. There were things that were done even better than the original.. the detailing that had gone into every character, the dialogues, the political relevance, getting Chennai to relate to all this - it made me feel good about a remake that good movies should not be lying down for one set of audience alone, remakes are for the good only if it comes out not just as a remake :)

P.S.: I watched Unnai Pol Oruvan before Ninaithale Inikum, was all positive towards watching remakes, but that one made me go back to my earlier view point of "no to remakes" :P So much that am warning people not to watch Wanted - it was a hopeless journey from Telugu to Tamil Pokkiri already :P

Quoting it...

2009-10-05T10:05:00.000+05:30

Every time i read something, i have this bad habit of associating it to my life, and figuring out where i stand with respect to what i read. Many times i find a match - i am happy, elated, depressed, down or discouraged depending on what i read. Also from whom i get to read that...

Every time i read something that reflects upon life, i share - with those who might relate to it, with those i can discuss it with, but most of the time with those who have no clue about what am saying or why...

Every time i read something it means i have got it from a dear friend who wants me to read it coz i might enjoy it, accept it or comment about it...

Every time i read something i run to this dear friend for sharing my joy, disturbing thoughts, anger, comments and what not. We might agree upon, we might not.. but i still go for it... its unworthy otherwise...

Time and again, words have made what life is. Time and again words have made people. When my best friend once sent me a different kind of quote, that made my life, little did i know i would live up to it or let it go... hes made me read lots of his scribblings, and lots of others ramblings....and years later this one amazes me the most...

"In the quest for love..One lost sight of friendship..And in the quest for friendship..Another lost sight of love..Whether one was wrong or the other was right..Only fate will tell, only time will decide..Meanwhile the wheels of life roll on..And the distances in between grow..Soon each will be too busy to keep the other in the know..And a friendship and a love will be lost to both...."

Now i wonder how much of it should i relate to... how much to myself, how much to people i know, how much to the life i never or shall never again know... Probably there are things in plain words that could just not be my cup of cake, and i should "Let Go" and "Read" just for the heck of it!!! After all i just can't imagine life is just like how i read about it.. i need to see it to live it.. :)

P.S: Sri next time you send a quote, send me the source as well :-P Can't imagine you writing them all, and can't google for the source myself every single time... And next time you make me read something, stop me from writing about it :-)

Back to schoooooooooooooooooooool !!!!

2009-09-17T10:08:00.000+05:30

Ok, been a while, a long long while, since i wrote, since i spoke, since i was there out in the open. Right now I feel a rush to do it all at once :-) , when I can feel the scent of the fresh air around me, when I can feel the importance of being “Me”.

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This post is a little too special, especially coz this goes to that entity which has made me what I am, even to the extent of what made me write, what me a person who could be no less proud of where I come from.

How many would actually not hesitate to jump and scream on just seeing some random person on the road wear your school uniform, years after you are out of that place, and feel so damn proud about it? How many would keep their heads high and with an air of attitude, proudly tag themselves to the school they come from? How many would wait for every single chance to sneak back to school and go from classroom to classroom looking out for every single teacher who has taught them in every single class, greet them with joy and get recognized right away and get all the blessing from their hearts? How many would remember the roll call order of the class till date and use the same order to track friends down? How many would still think of the entire batch of school friend’s the best of the lot? Am lucky am one of the rare few. I luckier that am friends with and went to school together with a majority of the rare few am talking about. :-) DAV Girls School Gopalapuram rocks!!! Hail my 10B!!!

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This is what inspired me to write this - http://davgirlsgpm.com/ - My Alma Mater that matters the most!!! DAV is still going places….

Coming to why this post… it’s a toast…DAV brought out the speaker and writer in me. Thanks to Jyothi Ma’am (Jyothi Srinath)- the one person I think of every time I write a poem or update a blog (if anyone knows her contact details, pls lemme know, or tell me how I can track her down – I so badly want to share all my writings and make her proud), she made a poet out of a simple 3rd std kid, sending a ridiculously funny poem for a London poetry writing contest, and it has got me all the way here. It all came in loads and nothing lesser – studies, fun, friends, teachers and everything else. I started with something else in mind, and here I am carried away by memories that I am just leaving it here, for people to have their own nostalgia running…

For every 10B girl reading this (be it Anita, Aparna, Archana Raju, Archana Ravi, Y Archana, Bhuvaneshwari, Deepa, Deeptha, C.Dheepa, Dhivya, J.Divya, Geetha, Gifrina, Hemamalini, D Jayanthy, M Jayanthi, Jyothsna, Kavitha, Krithika, Lakshmi, LPD, G Madhu, R Madhu, Miru, Neha, Nithya, Padmavathy, Papeetha, P.S. Pavi, S.Pavi, Rajalakshmi, Rama, G. Ramya, (R.Ramya) , Ranjani, Saradha, Sathya Priya, Sreelalitha, A.Sukanya, K. Sukanya, Varalakshmi, G.Vidhya, H.Vidhya) – “Aazaadi, dil ki…. Freedom.. to be.. “ “Netru no no, naalai no no, life il tension endrum no no”… :-)

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P.S. : Non 10B or non DAV girls – Am back to serious blogging, blogs for rest of the public will be updated soon… Till then keep blinking at portions of this post which doesn’t make sense to you. :-P

A Dream, a Change...

2009-02-24T22:48:00.001+05:30

When you actually feel its been a while since you blogged, when you force your mind to think, when you force your body to shutdown into a deep slumber, when you have nothing else to do, you write or rather dream of writing, result is what i have here...

As always, thanks to the world for giving me so much of things to write about... I can never run out of issues :)

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With the down pour of a beautiful rain and the fresh scent of wet sand, something was missing all of a sudden – Me! I searched and searched out in the balcony where I had danced all along, out of the building where I had always been and out in every possible corner I could normally hide. But I hadn’t chosen to hide. I found myself sitting alone in the rain, drenched, yet smiling on the lush green lawn, facing the mighty mountains. Only I could hear the faint music of rain that I always liked dancing to, only I could feel the chillness of the place hit my face, only I could feel that I had them all.

I loved it there. The rain was too good to me. It left me to myself, smiled at me and let me hide myself behind its miraculous droplets. I sat there counting each one of them as if they were the most precious gems on earth. I was too cozy to even stand up, I didn’t want to come out of this comfort- I was scared I would skid and more so because I have to catch myself if I did. I still claim that sitting there is the best thing I could do, and sit there swaying to that faint tune.

I swayed and swayed only when I heard a distant beep. It was 5 a.m., in my room, on my bed and the only beep I heard, that disturbance that excited me out of a realistic dream was the usual service message and I stared at it disappointedly for long till when I could sleep again.

A Journey...

2008-09-28T22:10:00.000+05:30

A break from my usual posts... this one is something that came up from the world so external to my daily life...

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Like any normal day, it was yet another fine sunny morning, and I was all dressed up and ready to go to work. Times have changed form school, to college to work now, but fortunately or unfortunately I end up taking the same route to all these places… for years together I have been traveling by the same bus, actually gifted that I at least have this bus to commute.

Too many passengers, too many stops in between, and between all these I have had the best of times. I have met the best of people, got to know few of them better, and few others still better. Few have traveled with me for years, and few got down before I realized they were there. What more can I expect from a mere bus travel. The very thought of going to the bus stop every morning makes me think all these, and before I could start getting more anxious the bus is there.

I board the bus and wish all the usual commuters I know, a simple smile to say we know we are traveling together and take my usual window seat just behind the driver, I obviously hadn’t reserved it for me (if only I could), it was just there waiting for me. And there he was, a stranger sitting next to me where this other person was sitting till “yesterday”. Now I in fact think how far yesterday was, that I either had no clue that this other co-passenger am talking about would not be commuting along with me or that I knew and just couldn’t accept. Not a pal, not a kin – a co-passenger whom I knew for long (if long as a definition), he was just not there. I felt strange experiencing what regularity could do to change.

Was ashamed to say I missed him during whole of the travel that day, for we share no relationship and he was no-one to me. But I felt his absence strongly. There finally was an alternate occurrence in my otherwise monotonous daily routine. I dint have someone to talk to. I dint have that someone who wanted nothing but a conversion – random, meaningless conversation. That was part of what I did everyday and I wondered what I would do henceforth to fill that space. Oh, the other fellow commuters I said “hi” to when I got in are still around, they might have noticed that I am surprised. They either dint know me too well to say “Act normal, he was just a co-passenger”, or they knew me too well and thought I would realize from what I had learnt all through my journey days. Either ways I was left to myself.

Am actually fine with being left to myself, I will have all the time to return all calls, to finish all the reading I wanted to and all the dreaming I planned to, and above all to discover other niceties a bus journey offers. Still not sure if this new stranger is going to take the same bus again, I knew not whether to say a “hi!” or just ignore. But god gave me a mouth to talk and I did. I stopped only when the bus did, when this stranger had to say the dreaded “was nice talking to you, bye! “.

Am used to this now, and was waiting for next co-passenger to board the bus, so that I can peacefully travel the last few miles of my journey, I wait knowing that there are going to be more stops, more passengers but what will stay is the bus, my destination, me and my journey I chose to take.

An ode to true friendhsip

2008-08-18T15:40:00.000+05:30

An ode to true friendship,
an attempt to make them proud,
those who know me too well,
and let me know them too.

An ode that stands for them,
to proudly say we have each other,
to know we are what we are,
and to show the world the same.

An ode that has no start,
and sees no end,
for the bond that I share,
has a strong rare thread.

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Somewhere someone has beautifully written " The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed. Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success". I just ponder how true it is – IT IS!!!

But looking at the words in bold, it is time and again proved, the rarity is realised by only the three rare people, while others around (read, circle of acquaintance) have a life long experience of figuring out if it still is the normality (if that really means the opposite of rarity), just to make sure they stand justified

-Dedicated with thanks to the rare men who have and who will make my life happy and beautiful. :-)

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Whats, whys and whens...

2008-06-04T21:40:00.000+05:30

A week on field for a market research project on hair wash products usage (a project for CavinKare's Meera), has given me very "deep" insights into consumer behaviour. Rather than responding right in front of such honorary people, I am doing the honours here.

Some interesting episodes that happened this week are here for you to get to know more about the Indian Consumer. :P

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Me: Do you use shampoo?
Respondent: (disapproving imm as if i accused her of some horrible crime) No ,no. I never use shampoo.
Me: Do you use Clinic Plus? (Now don't ask if i dint understand their previous response. Wait for the next one)
Respondent: Yeah, I have been using Clinic Plus for many years now.
Me: (?!?!?!?!?!)

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Me: Why do you buy Meera in container instead of sachet?
Resp: (Beaming with pride) If we buy Meera in box, we get to show off. Guests who come will see the box and think high of us.
Me: (Marks "Show off" in the questionnaire and jumps to next question)

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Me: (Been going on and on in Tamil for 10 mins, just coz the lady started speaking in Tamil)
One tough question which needs loads of explaining from my side and am doing it...
Resp: (Hurriedly realises) Actually, I don't follow Tamil. :(
Me: Are you comfortable with English?
Resp: Oh, no no.
Me: (Hoping that she doesn't say Urdu or Tulu) What language do you follow then?
Resp: Hindi...
Me: (Awesome, Hindi haunts me beyond Kgp) Teek hai, meri hindi teek nahi hai. lekin koshish karoongi. hindi me questions poochoongi mein. aap jawaab deejiye :(

And i actually ended up taking the 60 qns long (25 mins) interview completely in hindi. :)

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The usual one.

Me: Have you heard of any herbal shampoo?
Resp: No
Me: Have you heard of Meera "Herbal" Shampoo? (Again don't mistake me. Am no duffer)
Resp: Yes, Yes. I have heard. Even used it.
Me: What?!?!?! We wanted samples who have not tried Meera Shampoo.
Resp: No no. I had got years back. Even before Meera powder.
ME:(?!?!?!?! Wasn't I told otherway round by the Brand Manager who introduced Meera range of products???)

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95% of households:

Meera powder = Meera shika powder
Meera shampoo = Meera shika powder
Clinic Plus = Shampoo
Shampoo= Clinic Plus

Branding does have an impact!!!

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Me: Have you heard of Meera Herbal Shampoo??
Resp: No
Me: (Some questions later) Have you seen Meera Herbal Shampoo ad?
Resp: Yes yes. I have ofcourse seen it.
Me: (Marks a big cross across both questions)

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Now this tops it all. The very reason I ended up blogging on my experience.

Me: Why do you use Meera powder only on Sundays?
Resp: Coz, only then my husband wil be at home, and will apply it for me.
Me: (Am I a stranger there?!?!?!?!, Btw, "Poor Hubby" :P)

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All this ben just a start. Wait for more as i continue to explore lanes and streets of Chennai and more so Coimbatore, where i have high expectations of their slang as well :)

What i definitely learnt was ofcourse - what,why and when buying happens, happens mostly for no reason.

Its Chennai time again :-)

2008-05-23T10:08:00.000+05:30

A year away form home (excluding the long and short visits inbetween), and never realised for what specific reasons Chennai is indeed dear to me... leave alone family and friends, leave alone home, school and college buildings... Chennai has been dear old city for other reasons too. Back here, back on work, back on Chennai roads, lanes and pits, I recollect what has brought back the Chennai spirit in me :)

1) Tamil - so used to turning my head at every single tamil word i hear in kgp, that it really means a lot when i hear more of it, and at times only that :) (inba then vandhu paayudhu kaadhinile)

2) Bargaining with autorickshaw drivers - my core competency, skillset, talent, whatever that can be called. For those used to Chennai auto rates, bargaining and gettin the price to atleast 30 less than what he initially asks for, this is something thatgives you a feeling that you are back home :)

3) TRAFFIC - this is what has made me blog now. Struck for a year away in a small town, perhaps this is what i have missed the most... for what would otherwise take me 10 mins, 30 mins seemed long (no offenses meant for near and dear ones who travel for hours every day)

4) Local TV Channels - be it Sun TV, Kalaignar TV, Jaya TV war or SMS and Love Meters in Music Channels, 100 % entertainment guaranteed... :P

5) Eat-outs - CCD (tops it all). How i missed my dear old CCD, my fav sofa, my fav drink... (Thanks to dear friend Harini who makes sure we are there every weekend, and to current office being close to one, that its beecome a daily ritual too :P)

6) Flyovers - right form the ones that made traffic more, to ones which made roads narrower, from ones am used o for ages to ones that i saw for the 1st time, from ones that were to be completed years ago to ones that were to be started ages ago, flyovers make Chennai life go on the high :P

More and much more that just can't be fit in a blog post.. whatever be it, Chennai truely rocks!!!

- A proud Chennaite

P.S.: I made note of this in one fine traffic jam, rushed into office and blogged in a hurry. I invite fellow chennaites and fellow bloggers to add more for i know i left lot many :)

The me in myself

2008-03-12T21:00:00.000+05:30

I strongly believe that the word "Thanks" when used between friends heightens (if thts a proper word) and strengthens (this i know for sure is a proper word :P) a big wall between the concerned people. i had always been hard on my friends whenever i had to use it, or when they had used it.

So much for hte word, but the feeling of gratitude can't be hidden... especially when you wanna be thankful for having such a friend... Hence i instead of thanking my sweet friend who gifted me the poem (Refer post below), I gift him back with one i had written (years back... hence might sound less intense) - but goes well with my purpose :)

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Friend...
To you,
I say,
what my thought says- and
what my heart says.
And,
I find no inconvenience
in pouring out my heart
to your lending ears.

Friend...
In you,
I see,
half my soul- and
half my heart.
And,
I find no inconvenience
in letting my own self
resting inside you
rule over me.

Friend...
From you,
I get,
Shoulders to lean over,
mind and ears to listen.
And,
I find no inconvenience
in using your free mind
to rejoice myself.

Friend...
To you,
I give,
All the time I have- and
all the fun I can.
And,
I find no inconvenience
in being with you- the you-
who make me what I am.

Friend...
We ourselves,
though two different souls,
have grown together,
have been together.
And,
have never felt inconvenient
in getting along well.
For you know well-
"Friendship is life
It lives with us throughout"
And I know it too.

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As sweet as it gets :-)

2008-03-11T04:31:00.000+05:30

One sweet gift i recently got from my sweet friend :-)

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You make me feel so special
by the sweet things that you do,
and sharing your life wonders
your are a friend so true.

Your heart is full of tenderness
your cup overflows with love,
I know that your friendship came
from our dear Lord above.

You are always in my thoughts
as I hope I am in yours,
your friendship is the sweetest fruit
thru which life's blood just pours.

Walk with me as we grow old
please leave me not behind,
keep me always in your prayers
good friends are hard to find.

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Missing you hard...

2007-09-13T00:44:00.000+05:30

This one is something straight from my heart for my dear friend...

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I want to be there my friend
Be there for you and hold you on -
Be there for you when you need me badly,
Be there and be sure you are safe.

I know that you can take them all,
I know you have a heart too strong.
Too strong to stand them all,
And stronger still to make me calm.

Miss you now than I have ever known you,
And I dunno how to repeat your word of solace back to you.
You know I couldn't take them at once,
But my dear - you had to pour them out.

Wait for time to fly and fade,
Wait for God to answer our prayers.
Will wait for that day -
When in all smiles you would say
That you have good news me -
And in plenty too :-)

A verbal "Treat"

2007-09-07T19:40:00.000+05:30

I owe more than a simple treat to all those ppl whom am gonna mention in the post below. Due to unavoidable reasons the simple form of gratitude called "Treat" stands postponed... but still i had to do something for them on this very same day, and hence this post.

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO ALL MY DEAR ONES WHO MADE MY DAY TODAY

"THANK YOU" or even "THANKS" would be too small a word, curse myself for my poor vocabulary, that i can find no substitute for an informal, and stronger version of the word, to express to people what i feel now. The joy of getting placed - as early as this, going home for one-fourth of my course, getting to do what i wanted to, and above all - getting thru the process called "Summer Placements" - all these were just for a few seconds... nothing went into my mind after i was crowded by people, too sweet at heart around me, celebrating every moment of my success.

Every single person who were worried that i wasn't serious, who were amazed that i was too cool, who were angry that i wasn't cramming Kotler as much as i should, who were jumping even for a mere shortlisting of resume, who were more tensed than me before my interview, who were fighting to be the first person to get to know how i did, who helped me out with small-small stuff (ironing my shirt - darling she was), who were there to call me before the interview and wish me luck, who were there to ping me online and wish i good luck, who were there to pray for me, who was there with me all through my interview (made me feel like mom was nearby), who was there to smile and convince that i am "In", who were all too eager to find out what happened in the interview, who were all sure (more than me) that i'll make it, who were as anxiously waiting for the results as i were (infact more), who were the 1st ones to know the final results (before me), who cam running along - bringing down the whole hostel, who were hugging me and were there for me at "the moment", who were there to surprise me with goodies, who were there to make me a star, who were there to wish me on my success, who were there to feel happy for me, who were there to keep thinking of me... GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH WONDERFUL PEOPLE AROUND.

One month, and a bonding this strong - i just can't ask for more. BLESSED, ELATED, HAPPY, EXCITED, SPELLBOUND - are words which might not really fit in... in short I JUST HAV NO WORDS TO SAY.

Note:

Thank you all (Don't believe in thanks among friends, still i have no other word to replace this)... u all MADE MY DAY. Treat is on the way, this post is just a simple gesture of love and friendship. I wish and pray all these people, do much better in their interviews - summers and finals, and much better all through their lives and go places. Lets RULE THE WORLD!!!

A feeling new...

2007-09-02T23:53:00.000+05:30

My favourite one... esp, when i gift this to people and their love. :-). Though you could find this on my poet's homepage, wanted to add this in my blog. a) to make this blog a place where i wanna share all i want to. b) this piece is close to my heart and worth sharing. c) its been a while since i updated this blog :-P (i better do before harini is behind my back asking me to)

I still remember the lovely chennai suburban train, sitting in the 1st class compartment, scribbling this in a scrap of paper, excited coz was writing after a long gap... (i love evrything about this poem)

Here it goes:

A feeling new...

A touch of joy-
and still beyond.
A dash of spirit,
still within.
A range of boundaries-
newly defined.
A sense of freshness,
like the breeze around.
a realm of life-
just explored.
A meaning of truth,
unwrapped not long ago.
a uniqueness
from deep within.
A life so strange-
many a time.
A feeling new-
known never before.
I feel now,
that this new bond,
Shall last for long-
for years to come.
Not as long as we live alone,
But years later too,
when our souls meet within.

All isn't fair...

2007-08-21T00:05:00.000+05:30

If this is it everytime,
When all that was fair ends in a tear,
When hearts and not minds are seen,
When words but not silence speaks...

Knew it all right from start,
Knew I not, that I cannot.
Thought it was for the good,
Thought it was for the whole of life...

Wished I was there for you,
Wished I was there always...

If only I had not asked for this,
If only I had not accepted it.
If only I were the 'I' whom I knew,
I could have just saved tears a few...

Disclaimer:
This poem was written in class when was totally lost in thoughts. Has no other significance with my life or anybody else's.

SLEEP - then and now

2007-08-19T11:25:00.000+05:30

Confessions:

Forgot the promise made to Harini, that i shall update this new blog regularly.
Forgot to start writing on my life @ VGSOM (I shall do that very shortly)
Forgot to mention all these were not because of my poor memory, but coz of the dreaded 5 letter word S-L-E-E-P.

Blabberings - just out of bed:

For someone like me who had always been a night creature, sleeping very late- not before midnight strikes, it can never be tough to manage here. Sleeping late is never a problem. The problem is on the other side of the coin. Getting up early, rather getting up itself. 2 to 3 hrs of sleep every day, very cyclic, very monotonous. End result - dozing off in class only to find out that am one among the very few who sleep in almost all classes. (Here again i blame the topics for putting me off to sleep... for i have been wide awake in real good lectures). Worst was in finance class, when the prof had to ask me if i was feeling very sleepy (and that too in hindi)... and i just had to take an oath that i shall neevr again sleep in classes...(good we haven't had any dull class after that)...

Its not just me... a big lot of junta... from those who sleep over the chairs, to those who sleep right in front row. From the CR to the placecomm. From those who sleep with dreams to those unlucky ones who dint have any. From those who had heavy lunch to those who missed it badly... sleep is the only buzz word around. [Sorry folks if any of you are personally included in the list]... Greeting each other every morning can never be without enquiring when the other person slept or for how long...(so much for sleep)

All the pressure on weekdays' sleeplessness made me go mad and do nothing but sleep the last three days (sleeping the whole day :D)... and the fact is-this is even worse... am left with nothing but guilt.. when the whole world is having fun (or perhaps studyin too), am back in my room sleeping... (am i unahppy about this ??!!??!!). When shortened sleep made me miss just sleep, long hrs of sleep made me miss a whole lot of goodies... breakfast :( , occasionally lunch, precious time that could be used for chatting online, more precious time that ought to be used for studying, and much more...

Now that i have cribbed so much about both missing sleep and sleeping a lot (see am proving myself to be good at confusing), i sit back to think why i lack sleep management skills... maybe thats one i'll end up developing by the end of the course...

Realisation:

I am wide awake now. Just read through what i have written above. Apologies if you can read nothing but the word sleep. :P. Will aim for brisk posts next time.

Sleepily yours. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Taggo Wierdos

2007-07-19T16:51:00.000+05:30

Does the title looks like i had copied it from a spell book?... yes but not that of a witch but one of a fairy - Harini the fairy who tagged me to make this "Wierd" post.

Now about the wierd eight:

1) Nothing could be more wierd than me starting to blog, posting few wierdo stuff, and staying away from blogging for a yr. (hmph, never really wanted to confess on this but this was the most obvious)

2) Almost all those whom i hav stamped by mistake or those who have seen me do so know about this wierd thing about me. I would have shouted well before and much louder than my target :) ... And to those poor souls al that i can say is "Sorry" for stamping, and sorry for shouting hard and making you have pity on me.

3) Blabbering - though i manage to do this 24 X 7, the peak time is when am about to sleep or about to wake up. Neither I or the other person can either follow or remember the conversation after a couple of mins by then i would have given a call back making myself sound more clear :P... (i prefer not to mention any particular examples for my own benefit :P)

4) The night creature - what friends back at coll started calling me as... those were the days i strted this sleep not earlier than 1 a.m. mission and continuing still.

5) A Lazy Dozer - ask my mom and she'll write essays on this. But one thing even she'll accept is its just that am lazy to start with, once i am into a work i just keep going along... still am lazy otherways also - never known to keep my room clean, keep things organised, blah blah blah... but never been lazy to ask mom to do them for me :D

6) I can confuse people just by talking and making no sense at all... (confused how?? just read wierdo #5... did i mke sense???)

7) Never been a voracious reader, but always wanted to read a lot.. dunno what goes wrong and i dont end up reading as much as i want to... :(

8) Day dreamer... i imagine things to be too realistic and at times end up feeling bad when the real world is on the contrary...

Now i have kept my word. Harini and Deepak should be happy that i have completed their tag.

And now for the worst part - tagging others. Will just tag Sriram, Supriya, Sridevi (people i shall influence hard to join me in coming back to blogging)

A "Revival" of thoughts

2007-07-18T16:25:00.000+05:30

Its been a year that i have shyed away from writing- a self imposed exile as its been termed (by Harini, the fairy), and its been high time i started scribbling again. Quite unexpected it would be that i wasted one and half months of free time @ home. But i felt it would be more apt to write off just before i start on a new mission. And this time i shall not just post regualary but make it short ones, and make them different.

Let all the good things begin together...